You just have to click here to realize that Christopher
Nolan gets it. Batman is serious s___,
not some sort of whimsical fantasyland where Danny DeVito shuffles about in makeup and a fat suit, or where this constitutes a diabolical plot:
Mr. Freeze: I will blanket the city in endless winter. First Gotham, and then the world.
Poison Ivy: Just what I had in mind. Everything dead on earth, except us. A chance for Mother Nature to start again. Behold, the dawn of a new age. My mutant plants have the strength of the deadliest animals. Once you have frozen mankind, these babies will overrun the globe, and we shall rule them, for we will be the only two people left in the world.
Mr. Freeze: And then I'll be elected Governor of California!
Ok, so I made up that last bit. But seriously, isn’t the part that I “made up” more diabolically terrifying than their actual plot?
I desperately cling to Nolan’s work on Batman as Hollywood pillages my youth. A few weeks ago I went to see “The Shadow Chronicles”, a shameless and atrocious attempt to revive and exploit the Robotech franchise, which taught me everything I ever needed to learn about love triangles (Lisa Hayes rocks, Minmei is a cheap slut, if you must know where I stood at the time). Earlier this year, Michael Bay transformed the lovable Transformers cartoon into a militaristic and jingoistic extension of his days as a Mastercard commercial director. (Pointless crappy movie? $150 million. Sullying the childhood memories of a generation of youth while sporting a mullet? Priceless.)
I thought the pillaging had reached its nadir last year, when I saw the first trailer for Ghost Rider. I don’t think he’d drag me to hell for observing that he’s not exactly tier-one superhero talent. But I've since learned that we can look forward to movies based on Cloak and Dagger (I actually kind of liked that series, but I’m pretty sure no one else did) and Namor the Sub-Mariner.
Namor the Sub-Mariner??? I think we all understand and accept that superheroes need to wear tights, but shouldn’t we draw the line at a superhero who wears a Speedo? At this rate, it won't be long before I'm enjoying the Alpha Flight movie.
Yeah, that was a gratuitous cheap shot at Canada. I'm not proud of it.
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